HarryPotter and the Hole in the Literature Barrier
by Katz Potter
Summary: Another of my hopefully humorous fics. A bit odd, though. Pleese R/R!
1. Default Chapter

Harry Potter and the Hole in the Literature Barrier

Harry Potter and the Hole in the Literature Barrier

By Kathleen Potter and Jessica Valpraiso

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Disclaimer: I own nothing except for…erm…oh! Jessica and Kathleen. Oh, and I also own Jessica's husband and daughters, Sean, Megan, and Lauren. Megan and Lauren are twins.

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A/n: Okay…Ummmmm… This is a story of how, with a little help from Harry's dear enemy Voldiemort (I know I spelled that wrong, I meant to), Harry, Ron, and Hermione pass through the literature barrier to the…err…_REAL WORLD. _

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**_CHAPTER 1_**

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked around at the world they had been transported to. "Uh." Harry muttered. "Err." Ron said softly. "Oh dear." Hermione said. They were standing in a forest. They could hear kids playing nearby. "I want my Firebolt." "I wish I _had _a Firebolt." "Stop it, guys, we need to find our way out of here! Stop whining about Firebolts!" They walked in the direction of the kids' voices. Suddenly the voices stopped.

·Lauren and Megan's Tree house

"Do you hear that?" Megan asked her twin Lauren. "Yeah," Lauren replied, pulling her hair into a ponytail. The twins were fifteen, tall, and very pretty with reddish-blond hair, rather small features, and sparkling green eyes. "What should we do?" Megan asked. "Run?" Lauren suggested sarcastically. They looked out the window of their rather large tree house. There was nothing there. The twins and their mother and father lived in a home in the countryside. 

Just then, two boys and a girl walked out of the forest, looking extremely irritated and out of place in their black robes. One boy had flaming red hair like their dad's. The other boy had messy jet-black hair that stuck up in the back. The girl had bushy light brown hair, and she was looking very annoyed, apparently with the two boys.

The boy with the black hair looked up, saw their tree house, and called, "Oi! Can you help us?" Lauren and Megan climbed down. "How?" Megan inquired. "We're…. umm…lost?" the boy with the red hair suggested. "Oh, by the way, my name's Ron. Ron Weasley." Megan gasped and looked very faint. 

"Ron? Ron Weasley? _The _Ron Weasley? Lauren, pinch me, I think I'm dreaming." Megan said in amazement. Lauren pinched her. "Ouch! Oh my gosh, I'm not dreaming…. it's really Ron Weasley." She put a hand to her forehead. "Okay…I'm not delirious. It is him."

Lauren looked at the boy with black hair and found that he had startlingly green eyes. She didn't need to look at his forehead to know it was him. "Oh my gosh. You're Harry Potter!" she stuttered. "Yeah…. I'm surprised. Usually people have to gawk at my forehead to figure that out," he said, stepping forward and shaking their hands. 

"I'm Hermione…the one who's always left out," the girl said, shaking their hands too."Nice to meet you. My name's Lauren Valpraiso. And this is my twin, Megan. Tell me, how'd you get here, in the real world?" 

The three looked at each other nervously. "The real world?" Ron asked, gulping. "Yeah…. in the real world, you guys are characters in books," Megan said. "Follow us to our house and meet our parents. Then we'll explain," Lauren said, heading off onto a well-beaten path.

They followed the twins until they emerged from the forest into a well-kept yard, with trimmed grass, a large garden, and basketball court. "Wow" was all they could say. Up ahead a large two-story house stood on a small hill, its magnificent color (a rather bright yellow with bright blue trimming) standing out against the blue sky. "This is where you _live_?" Ron asked in sheer amazement.

"Yeah. Mum's out in front, planting lilies. And Dad's inside, watching sports," Megan said. "Come and meet our mum first. Dad hates being disturbed, especially by strangers. But he knows you well; he's read the books. So has Mum." They followed the twins around the house to find a pretty woman with blond hair pulled back in a braid kneeling on the ground, digging a hole. "Mum, we have visitors," Lauren said.

The woman looked up and they found that she had green eyes like the twins. "Visitors? No one told me someone was coming over," she said. "Never mind…. they're err…lost. Very lost." Megan said quickly. "Yeah. This is Harry. Harry Potter," Lauren said, indicating Harry. "And this is Ron. Ron Weasley." She indicated Ron. "So this young lady must be…." their mum said. "Hermione Granger," Hermione said. 

"Very nice to meet you, and we're sorry if we're causing any trouble. We just got transported here because of a curse…. And we don't know how to get back." "Oh, no, you're not causing any trouble. Go on inside and have something to eat. I just want to get my last lily planted before it rains." "Okay, Mum," Megan said.

They went inside to find a tall man with flaming red hair and brown eyes yelling at the television. "Come on, come on! YES!!!! HOME RUN!!!!!!!" He noticed his daughters standing there and hugged them saying, "He hit a home run, girls! Mark McGwire hit a home run!" 

Hermione snickered. "That's what my dad does every time Sammy Sosa hits one," she said, giggling. Ron cocked an eyebrow. "I didn't know your dad liked baseball, Hermione," he said, grinning. "Yeah, I thought he liked soccer and football, like Uncle Vernon," Harry put in, snickering. "Don't laugh at my dad, Harry!" Ron snickered. "Don't laugh, Ron!" Harry and Hermione said angrily. "S-sorry. It just amuses me to see you two fighting, when it's usually you and me fighting, Hermione," Ron said between chortles."True," Harry and Hermione chorused. "Kiss and make up?" Hermione asked Harry. "Um, sure, just forget the kiss part," Harry replied. They hugged and said, "Sorry."

Mr. Valpraiso and his daughters were surveying the scene, interested. "Who are they?" Mr. Valpraiso inquired. "Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley," Megan said promptly. "Hello, Mr. Valpraiso," the three chorused. "Oh, please, call me Sean. I feel so old when called Mr. Valpraiso," he insisted. They nodded. "Would you like something to," Lauren began. "Eat?" Megan finished. They nodded again. 

"Do you like PB&J's?" Harry made a face. "We take that as a no." "Yep. I have to eat them every day at the Dursleys'," Harry said, grimacing. "Oh, you poor dear. I'm going to make dinner, but you guys can each have a can of Pepsi and a bag of Doritos, and go upstairs. Dinner is a surprise," Mrs. Valpraiso said, coming inside. "Thank you, Mrs. Valpraiso," Harry, Ron, and Hermione chorused. "Oh, please, call me Jess," she insisted, smiling. They nodded, grabbed their Pepsi's and Doritos, and went upstairs.

When they went into Megan's room, they saw that the walls were bright orange, with, every now and then, two C's and a speeding cannonball. On her dresser lay four books, the fourth the biggest. Her walls also had posters of Ron all over, and there were a couple drawings of him, too. "Megan's a big fan of you," Lauren told Ron. "She's marked every page where you do something she admires, see?" 

She picked up the smallest book, on which the golden letters gleamed: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, and opened it to nearly the back. "Here, I'll read a part of it aloud," Lauren said, grinning. " ' "First, to Mr. Ronald Weasley… " Ron went purple. He looked like a radish with a bad sunburn. "…for the best played game of chess Hogwarts has seen in many years, I award Gryffindor housefifty points." ' " Ron blushed, then his eyes opened wide. "That happened," he said. "And you have a fear of spiders, as Fred turned your teddy bear into one when you were three for breaking his toy broomstick, is that correct?" Lauren asked. He nodded.

Hermione, curious, picked up the second book in the stack, on which silver letters gleamed: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, opened it, and started reading. "Looks like the author's got everything right in this one," she said to Harry. 

Ron, out of curiosity, picked up the third book, on which the letters gleamed green: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, opened it, and read a little. 

Harry picked up the fourth and biggest one, on which bronze letters gleamed: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, opened it, and read a little. He turned to the back, and read more. "Oh my gosh," he said, "The author's got my encounter with Voldemort in here." "Where?" Hermione and Ron said at the same time. "Here," he said as he gave the book to them. "See?" Megan said. "You guys are book characters." 

"Where do you live?" Harry asked them. "St. Louis, Missouri, home of the St. Louis Cardinals," they replied together. 

Hermione looked up, her eyes fearful. "Harry, we've been transported to another continent," she said. "Not to mention another time and world," he added. "I need to curse something," Ron said. "Curse Megan, she'd be happy to," Lauren said. 

Megan quickly ducked out and then came back in, carrying what looked like a stuffed animal. It was, only it wasn't just any stuffed animal. It was a stuffed replica of Hedwig. "Curse this," she said, handing it to him. "No!" Harry and Lauren shouted together.

Hermione picked up Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and opened it to page 179, then said accusingly and in surprise, "_You guys locked me in with that horrible troll! _I don't believe it!" Harry and Ron blushed. Ron pointed his wand at her and murmured, " Obliviate." Her face went slack for a minute, and then she came back, saying, "That won't work, Ronald." He pouted, and then said, "We're sorry we locked you in the bathroom, Hermione." "Yeah," Harry supplied."It's all right, I forgive you."

"Kids, dinnertime," Jess called up the stairs. They all ran down, Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the lead, as they were very hungry. Dinner was homemade pepperoni pizza and soda. "Mmmm," Harry said. "The Dursleys never gave me this kind of food." "I didn't think so," Jess replied, "the Dursleys seem really mean, locking you in that cupboard just for speaking to that snake in Parseltongue." Harry gave her a startled look. "I've read the books as well," she explained, "and so has Sean." Harry nodded.

"Tomorrow you'll get to see your author," Megan said. "We're going to a book signing. You can borrow my Goblet of Fire," Lauren explained. Hermione looked interested. "What's the author's name?" she asked. "Joanne Kathleen Rowling," Jess said. "Now, bedtime, all of you. Harry and Ron can have one guest room, and Hermione can have the other."

They went upstairs and went to bed.

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A/n: Okay, look out for chapter two when they meet J.K. Rowling. I will type it and post it ASAP! Thank you.


	2. Chapter Two

Harry Potter an the Hole in the Literature Barrier

Harry Potter an the Hole in the Literature Barrier 

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And now, the world famous disclaimer! I own anything you don't recognize! In this episode, Harry and co. meet their author! A ride on the Metrolink (I am a St. Louisan!), Ron is scared of the big bad train, Lauren and Megan speak French (and, yes, I DO know my French sucks), the list goes on and on. Anything you DO recognize, that stuff belongs to J.K. ROWLING, THE WONERFUL WOMAN!!! The Metrolink and St. Louis belong to ppl I don't know!

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Harry and Ron woke the next morning, feeling rather worried. Just then, Hermione walked in, dressed in her robes and carrying Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. "Get up," she said, actually, *snapped*. "What's wrong?" Ron asked groggily. "Megan and Lauren's friends will be here any minute! I don't want you two meeting them in your--in your…" She trailed off, embarrassed. "Pajamas?" Harry suggested helpfully. "Yeah." Harry and Ron had borrowed pj's from Sean the night before. He was kinda small, sooooo…. you know! "Now, get up!" "All right, all right," the two boys chorused, moving themselves from the safety of their beds. They made sure that Hermione was out of the room before they changed, and then they went downstairs only to be greeted by VERY loud music.

Megan and Lauren were dancing around the living room and singing to the music. "What's the use in trying? All you get is pain. When I wanted sunshine I got rain…. Then I saw her face! And I'm a believer! Not a trace! A doubt in my mind! I'm in love… and I'm a believer! I couldn't leave her if I tried…." Just then Hermione walked into the room. She gave Harry and Ron a very confused glance as she stared at the two girls. Just then the doorbell rang. Harry went to go answer it, while Ron looked around curiously for the place where the little 'ding dong' sound was coming from. The song changed while Harry opened the door, and now Lauren and Megan were singing, "He met Marmalade down in ol' Moulin Rouge, struttin' her stuff on the street… She said, "Hello, hey Jo, you wanna give it a go- oh-! Uh uh!"

Harry stared at the two girls standing on the doorstep. One had _extremely _curly, blond hair that looked almost white, and the other had _extremely _straight, dark brown hair. Upon closer inspection he saw that the curly top had blue eyes, and the dark brown had dark, almost black eyes. "Er… Hello," he muttered. "Oh, dear," the curly top said quickly. "We're sorry if we disturbed you, but do Lauren and--" She was cut off by Harry saying, "Yeah, they do. You must be the friends that Herm mentioned. Come on in." He opened the door and they came in. "Who are you?" they asked in unison.Harry grinned. "So long as you don't scream…I'll tell you.""We won't!" the dark haired one said. "Harry Potter." "Aaahhhh!" they shrieked.

"Who are you?" he asked. "I'm Sophia Anderson," the dark haired one said. "Elaine Branson," replied the curly top. "And we don't believe you." "Wow," Harry murmured, "this is the first time people didn't believe me when I said I was who I am." Just then, Ron and Hermione came up behind him, just as the music stopped. Apparently, Lauren and Megan had turned off the radio. "Elaine!" Megan shrieked happily, hugging her."Sophie!" cried Lauren, hugging her as well. "Meg," Elaine said seriously, "who are these people?" "Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger," she replied. "I DO NOT believe you." 

Ron pulled his wand out. "Want me to?" he asked Megan, a twinkle in his eyes. "Sure!" Ron pointed his wand at Elaine, then said, "Shut upis!" Elaine was suddenly silent. She moved her mouth, but no sound came. Ron, imitating cowboys (he had been watching a show with Sean), blew the tip of his wand, then stuck it back in his pocket. Harry pulled out his wand, and, pointing it at the reproving Hermione ("_Ron_, you shouldn't have done that, you'll get in trouble with the Ministry now!"), said, "Shut upis!" And Hermione was silent.

They all laughed, for they all knew how Hermione was. "How's it feel to be forced to shut up for awhile?" Ron asked lightly.Hermione conjured up some parchment and a quill and ink, and scribbled a note: _I'll get you for this, Ronald Nicholas Weasley! _Harry snickered. "Your middle name is _Nicholas_??" he asked. Ron blushed scarlet and nodded.'_Yes, his middle name is Nicholas! And I'll get you, too Harry, for getting me here in this world. As soon as we meet our author, this Joanne Kathleen Rowling _(A/n: I've never told you, but that's where I got Kathleen from. Potter comes from Harry.)_, I'll ask her to return us to the fictional world, back in England!!!!' _Hermione scribbled.

"Yah, so?" Harry asked. Hermione stuck her tongue out at Harry. _Idiot,_ she scribbled. Harry stuck his tongue back out at her, just as Jess called, "Breakfast!"

Breakfast was something called 'french toast' "Yum," Harry said upon finishing. "Yah," Sophie said. Hermione and Elaine still had the silencing charms on them, but Hermione wrote 'yummy' and 'thank you' on her paper.

"Time to go!" They piled into the car and drove off. When they got to the Metrolink station, they scrambled out and walked over to the ticket booth. Paying for their tickets (Jess paid for Harry, Ron, and Hermione's), they boarded the next train. But before they boarded, they had a _little _trouble with Ron. "I'm not getting on that thing," he said, quite flatly when he saw it. "Ron, please? For me?" Megan asked, fluttering her eyelashes at him. "Oh, no you don't. No flattery will get me in there." "And I thought he was the brave one," Megan remarked to Harry. "This might help," Harry said, and he pointed his wand at Ron. "Stupefy," he said nearly inaudible. Ron… erm…_'fainted'_.

They lugged him into the car. Megan sat down next to him, and Harry and Hermione sat across the aisle. The ride was quite pleasurable, except when Ron gripped Megan's arm quite painfully—okay, I'll stop it with the 'quites'! Except when Ron gripped Megan's arm painfully when the train's horn sounded. Hermione gripped Harry's arm. He raised his eyebrow at her, and she released her grip. "Sorry." Megan and Lauren grinned at each other, then began speaking to each other in a foreign language. Hermione recognized it and translated for Harry, "I can't believe Ron is afraid of the Metrolink! Yeah, I know. It so totally sucks. Yep. Hey, Lauren, Hermione is translating for Harry! Isn't that cute?" Hermione made a face. "Okay, maybe not," they said together in English. "Hey, I thought twins had their own special language," Hermione said. "We do," Lauren said. She looked at Megan, and Megan looked at her. They grinned and said together, "FRENCH!" They dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Hermione rolled her eyes and opened Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire again. With twenty minutes, they were there. "Union Station, here we are!" Sean said. "I'll go get some snacks," Jess said, running off. "Come on kids, get in line." They got in line and waited. After about ten minutes, Jess came back with snacks. "Well," Sean said, "only two more hours." 

·Two hours later….

They were approaching the front of the line. "Hey, Harry, will you sign my—oh, it's my turn!" Sophie said happily. She handed Ms. Rowling her book and Ms. Rowling signed it. "So, Ms. Rowling, have you ever met Harry Potter?" Megan asked as she handed her book over. "Nope," she answered. "Well, now you can. Because he's right here." Megan stepped aside to let Harry come through. "Er… Hello," he said nervously. Ms. Rowling paled. "_Harry Potter_?" she asked. He nodded. She looked him over quickly. "The robes, and the scar, and the glasses…" she whispered. "Come over here for a moment, Harry," she said. He came around the table to where she was sitting. "How did you get here?" she asked curtly. "Voldemort. He preformed this spell, and now, here we are, in the real world." "_We_?" "Me, Ron and Hermione."

"Oh my," she murmured. "Where are they?" "Right here," Hermione said, dragging a scared looking Ron out from behind her. Ms. Rowling actually laughed. "Come back behind the table, kids, and tell me your story." They did so, and began their story. "It all started at a Quidditch game," Harry began. "Dumbledore had given us permission to use our wands this summer," Hermione put in. "You-Know-Who came and made all the players fall off their brooms," Ron interrupted. "And then he came looking for me." "We all jumped up, and Voldemort, he—he Stunned everyone behind us." "And then he threw this curse at us." "And now we're here, in a different place, a different world. And we don't know how to get back." "Oh my," she said. "Hand me your wands." They handed them over. "Let's see…" She picked up Harry's, pointed it at Harry, and said, "Orchideous!" A bunch of flowers burst from the tip. She handed them to Harry, who handed them to Jess. "Thanks," he said. "Oh, don't mention it, dear. And I've got plenty of flowers at home to look at, why don't you give these to Hermione?" Harry shrugged and gave them to Hermione. She blushed and thanked him. "I've figured it out!" Ms. Rowling exclaimed. "It's the transportius spell! And you got here through a hole in the literature barrier!" She stood up quickly, and began arranging them in a proper shape.

"Now, Harry, you face Ron's back, and point your wand at him, and Ron, you face Hermione's back, and point your wand at her, and Hermione, you face Harry's back, and point your wand at him. And, on the count of three, you all say, together, "Transportius, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Britain!" Okay?" They nodded. "Ready, one, two, THREE!" "Transportius, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Britain!" they said together, and they vanished. "Well, there they go," she murmured. She turned back to her signing.

_BUT SHE NEVER FORGOT THAT DAY IN ST. LOUIS, THE DAY WHEN SHE ACTUALLY MET HER CHARACTERS_.

**_THE END_**

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Hey, y'all! I FINISHED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that was kind of rude of not to say good-bye. I'm sorry. They're sorry. But the Valpraisos know that they would have said good-bye. Okay? GOOD!!!!! And you know what? I know this is short. I really do—oh, damn! My CD was skipping. And on my favorite song, too!


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